Usually I write my own stuff. The next 3 days, I will post a three part series written by Doug Fields and Matt McGill, who work with Youth at Saddleback Church. Criticism is a very REAL deal and it can RUIN you if you are not prepared for it.
OUCH…WHY THE CRITICS SQUAWK – by Doug Fields and Matt McGill
If you’re a leader you can’t escape it—you will be criticized. Criticism is aimed at leaders because everyone (including leaders) is imperfect and hurting and hurting people end up hurting others. At the beginning of one’s leadership journey it’s very difficult to try to separate personalized criticism into a truth or untruth category–criticism jumps straight to personal hurt. The criticism may not always be true, but it always stings. While critique does hurt, it can help to know that the people who dish it out are usually hurting themselves. When a leader can better understand why a critic squawks, it can actually trigger compassion, which can help turn a pain into a positive. In our experience, here are some of the reasons why the critics squawk:
Critics usually aren’t serving.
It’s so much easier to sound off at others than it is to serve others. Armchair quarterbacks have all the answers, but lack the drive to get out of the chair and engage in the real game. It’s sad, but some people will serve no where or invest in no one and their lack of ministry involvement gives them extra time and ignorance to critique.
A move toward compassion: These types of critics are missing out on God’s best for their lives. Since they aren’t engaged or serving they lack the feeling of significance–it’s within this spiritual vacuum where this criticism is fueled.
Critics are unaware of their intent: “I’m just trying to help.”
Not every critique is an attack. Some people speak up and their words sting unintentionally when inflicting pain really wasn’t their motive. They genuinely want to help and honestly believe their comments are assisting the movement or ministry. These critics typically have an investment in your ministry (like a parent or volunteer) and sincerely want to see the ministry flourish.
A move toward compassion: It’s been our experience that it’s easier to feel compassion for these types of critics. They mean well, but they usually have poor tone and/or timing and a unguided sense of their own importance.
Critics have been gathering ammunition and need to shoot someone.
Some critics have been wounded and in their wounding have nursed grudges and gathered ammunition (some for many years). These types of critics tend to have several different targets and you just happened to be in sight when they released the ammo… lucky you. These types are the poster children for the old slogan: “Hurt people hurt people.”
A move toward compassion: These critics have a long history of negative baggage. As a leader, it is so difficult to have patience to wade through all their “stuff.” While it’s reality, it’s definitely unfair that you have to bear the brunt of their longstanding pain. On the bright side, the force of their criticism doesn’t belong to you, it has been transferred courtesy of their sinful resentment. Bottom line: it’s not about you… it’s all about them.
Critics are struggling with shame, guilt, and sin.
Let’s be honest, there are many folks within the church that are losing the struggle against their sin nature. When they lash out at others, it enables them to ignore their own problems (at least for a short time).
A move toward compassion: Everyone struggles with sin and when you realize that sin is the real and hidden issue behind their attacks it can ‘be easier to be a leader/minister who can reflect the grace God has shown you (key word: “easier”…not “easy”).
Consider the last few criticisms that were aimed at you–where do you think they originated? Why did your critic squawk?